Committed

Several months ago a friend mentioned that several girls in our ward were beginning to train for the St. George marathon. The conversation went roughly like this.
Me - "Cool! I've always wanted to run a marathon." (True)
Her - "You should do it."
Me - "Yeah, that would be awesome." (Yeah, right)
Her - "Really."
Me - "I'll think about it." (Done thinking . . . probably not this year)

Later the same friend mentioned it again. I gave a few of my excuses - young kids, hard to train, really out of shape, etc. And then the truth. I confessed running a marathon had always been an unachievable goal for me - a distant dream. One of those, "Someday I'd like to . . . " that you say because it sounds cool and perhaps would be cool, but not something you actually imagine doing. Maybe I'm the only one in the world with those type of dreams.

Anyway, I explained I was still thinking about it (true), but was hesitant to commit just yet because then I'd actually have to go through with all of the time, training, and effort. I mentioned all of this to Matt and I was surprised when he immediately jumped on board. He's been running for a while on and off and said, "Well, my body is getting older. My knees are starting to hurt. If I'm going to do a marathon, this better be the year." Before the weekend was through he had signed up for a full marathon and I had signed up for a half.

The training began. Pain at first - but soon my high school running legs returned. No, not my 6 minute miles, but the adrenaline and drive I felt when I used to run cross country and track had returned. The mental challenge of pushing my physical body to its limit and the bliss when I reached a goal. 5 miles to 7 miles to 8.5 miles. The Saturday I ran to Seattle and back (11 miles) across the I-90 bridge was thrilling. Perhaps a little foolish since it was a significant jump in mileage, but I felt great and I get giddy every time we drive across the bridge now knowing that I have run that distance.

Throughout the training, as I've gained endurance and strength, my dream kept popping up. If I'm already running a half, what's 13 more miles? I'm already halfway there, why not finish it? I mentioned this to Matt and he was supportive. We found a marathon in Pocatello, ID scheduled during fair week. We're already in ID . . . might as well run a marathon. In my mind I would run it, but I wasn't ready to commit just yet.

And then I hit a wall. A rut. A slump. After a fantastic 10k fun run (placed 14th out of 50) with family in ID, my training ceased. We were on vacation, Matt was gone, I had both kids, and we were doing tons of driving. A week went by and I didn't get one mile in. Not one. On Saturday I planned to get back into it, but instead I fell asleep watching TV (World Cup Soccer even) and was out for almost 3 hours. Monday I got ready to go and after 1.5 miles had to head home. I was tired and had lost the motivation. Now even the 1/2 marathon in 2 weeks seemed impossible.

Surprisingly, I was not surprised. Though in my life I have always been a high achieving go-getter, it seems that more recently I have been unable to finish much of anything for myself. I have books, recipes, piano pieces, scrapbooks, and projects waiting to be perfected. Like most mothers of young children, the successes are now measured in keeping a shirt clean for two meals, getting through the night clean and dry, and progressing to solid foods. If I can't even get my 11 month old to sleep through the night, who was I kidding about the marathon.

But Coach Matt, my patient husband, didn't give up on me. He insisted on taking care of the kids so I could sleep and arise early for my run. I had my gear laid out, but 5:45 came too early and I rolled back over. He let me sleep, but persisted this afternoon. "If I get home early enough could you go running then?" And again, when he did get home, "Do you want to go for a run?" Fine. You win. I'll go.

It's raining out, but I already have my shoes on. 3/4 mile through the woodsy trail to the community center, 3 miles on the treadmill, and suddenly the motivation is back. I'm sweaty, my muscles are a little sore after a week off, and I have more energy than I've had in 2 weeks. I feel great. Funny how often it takes just doing something to regain motivation for it. 1/2 marathon, here I come.

And then, I step outside and the rainclouds have parted to reveal a huge, perfect rainbow. A bright, full rainbow that couldn't be captured in a lense because it was so big. It was a tender mercy. A cheer saying, "It's OK to dream big and go for it." A reminder that it's OK during this crazy time of being a young mother to do some things for me. Someone saying, "I believe in you. You can do it."

And so despite having a 3 year old and 1 year old who never allow me a full night's sleep, despite having beagles who insist on running with me but then try to trip me when we run, despite having limited time because of Matt's work schedule & church callings . . . I registered for the Pocatello marathon. Thanks to a supportive husband, a rainbow, a great playlist, and a great pair of running shoes . . . I am now committed. 26.2 . . . bring it.