So this whole week I've sort of been in a funk. For whatever reason I've just felt really grouchy about being a mom. Maybe it's because I've been up changing wet sheets every night or because the dogs got into our bathroom trashcan for the billionth time or because I've done 3 loads of laundry every day this week (mostly Kaylee's and mine covered in baby food). . . . just normal stuff, but I've been grumpy about all of it. Danny easily senses my mood and takes advantage making me even more frustrated and down on myself for being a bad mom. "Fine. Watch another TV show." "Fine. Eat another piece of candy - just stop whining and bugging me." Last night I had had it with him. I was really angry and impatient. Afterward I felt horrible and offered a repentant prayer, but this morning was still not going well when Danny wet his pants - he was too busy playing pbskids.org to stop and get to the potty. AARGH.
Anyway, during my gospel study I decided I needed to study the joys of motherhood and was reminded in a couple excellent talks that it's OK to feel overwhelmed and frustrated. "I surely know that there is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood. Recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction. Pray deeply about your children and about your role as a mother. Parents can offer a unique and wonderful kind of prayer because they are praying to the Eternal Parent of us all. There is great power in a prayer that essentially says, “We are steward-parents over Thy children, Father; please help us to raise them as Thou wouldst want them raised.” " M. Russell Ballard, “Daughters of God,” Ensign, May 2008, 108–10
And then so many things in this talk rang true to me -
"We all seem to measure ourselves by what we see in others, and that’s others at their best, scrubbed and polished physically and emotionally. Yet we judge ourselves by how we feel when we’re at our worst. Consequently, we’re sure to come out on the short end of the stick, always inadequate. . . “plateaus of little progress” are also part of the plan and with the help of the Lord I can become the kind of mother he wishes me to be. The road will be long and bumpy, and I’ll make wrong turns, but I know that I can reach my destination. The realization has come to me that in the process of refining my children I myself am becoming refined. We are truly in partnership with God as we bring these little spirits into the world. Our reward will be great, not only because of the end result, but also because of the spiritual development we experience in the process. " Claudia T. Goates, “When You Feel Inadequate as a Mother,” Ensign, Mar 1976, 23
I realized this week I've been looking at everything through a magnifying glass instead of a telescope - magnifying every incident out of proportion instead of looking into the distance and recognizing that these moments are so tiny in the big scheme of things. My babies will only be mine for such a short time. And more significantly - "my babies" are really not mine at all, but the Lord's children. After some humbling reflection, I glanced through some photos to remind myself how much I really do love these kids and how blessed I am to be their mother. Though I don't find joy in every moment, I do find joy in the journey.
9 comments:
oh my goodness, Carrie, thank you so much for sharing this! I have had the SAME kind of week, and I'm so glad you shared these words, because I needed them. Being a mom can be the most frustrating thing in the world, but thank goodness we have the Gospel to help us keep the right perspective. Thank you for being open and sharing your thoughts and experiences, it helped me a lot. :)
Wow, Carrie! Beautifully written! I need to save this to my computer or something so I can read and re-read it!! Thank you for sharing! A huge help for me is just hearing from other mothers that they know what I am going through! Sometimes you think you are the only one who can't get it together :) Your "babies" are so cute!!! We miss you guys so very much! And, PS Allison has also wet her pants because she wouldn't quit playing pbskids.org!!
First of all the pic of Danny is so cute! Second of all, talk about hitting the nail on the head...It would seem some of us have been having some frustrations on the not so rewarding parts of motherhood lately! Thank you for doing some research and sharing your thoughts and what you read. You are inspired and very helpful! And I SO relate to the dog(s) in the trash--uugghhhh-frustration!
A wonderful post. So many feel the same. My life has revolved around poop for the past few years. Gotta keep perspective. Good luck!
Good Good Stuff!
Gosh Carrie. I don't think i've ever felt that way. bwahahaha. right. what i think is funny is how i've always felt that you are that perfect well-put together mom who never loses her temper. you do a great job and those kids are lucky to have you. thanks for the thoughts...i needed to hear them today too
Since I have a unique perspective on the matter I think I can say that you are a wonderful mother even on your most trying days. Thank you for all you do for our family.
Thanks for sharing those quotes. I especially can relate to the Goates quote about how we "measure ourselves by what we see in others." I was talking with a friend about this the other day, and we concluded that the pressure one feels as a mother is largely (if not entirely) self-inflicted.
It's nice to have opportunities to reflect on the "big picture" of motherhood.
Love you Carrie! Spoken like a true mommy! I know I relate to your feelings... you really are a wonderful mom!
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